7 Not-So-Obvious Signs Your Employee is Being Abused

Oftentimes, domestic violence isn’t taken seriously until it is in the news due to the victim being murdered or there is a video of the assault. However, each day we work with someone (or more than one person) who is being abused; it just doesn’t look like what we expect. Here are 7 (although there are many more) not-so-obvious signs your employee may be in an abusive relationship and what you can do about it.

1. They seem tired at work
Abusers will often find ways to disrupt their victim’s sleep. They will start arguments late at night thereby causing the victim to be up late. One survivor I spoke with said, “he would wake me up at two or three in the morning to fight. He’d turn the lights off and on, creating chaos that made it hard for me to function the next day. We fought constantly when my work required me.”

There were several times I would be in a meeting and could not stop yawning because I had been up late arguing with my abuser.

2. They wear long sleeve shirts even in the summer

To hide their abuse, perpetrators will only leave marks on places that can be covered up. As much as my abuser wished he could hit me in the face or even act as if he would, he was smarter than that. Most of the bruises I suffered were below the chest area. This is a tactic that can often go unnoticed.

3. They seem distracted

We can all become distracted at work thanks to social media and the 24-hour news cycle. However, victims of domestic violence are amid trauma and chaos, which makes it harder to focus. You may be speaking with your employee and they appear to be lost in thought. Some of these thoughts can include the argument last night, during their lunch break, or what they are expecting once they get home.

4. They often volunteer to stay late or take on projects that keep them in the office more

Throwing ourselves into our work is one of the ways we cope and hide the abuse we are experiencing. Times spent at work can give us meaning and purpose. It can also provide security in a way to avoid abuse. Another survivor shared that her “employer rarely noticed that I was always in the midst of a crisis. I did well at hiding and overcompensated by always making sure my work was unimpeachable, so they ignored any inconsistencies in my personal life. Yes, your employee is great at their job and they could be hiding a very dark part of their life.

5. They receive frequent phone calls or their cellphones are always going off

Many organizations have rules around personal calls during work hours. Abusers do not care about those rules. If they have access to their victim’s workplace, they will not respect those boundaries. This is no fault of the victims. We can tell them time and time again to not call; ultimately, they will do what they want and when they want.

6. They frequently call out sick

You may have an employee who regularly calls out sick. Sometimes, it is true they are sick. Other times, reasons for sick calls can be late-night arguments that disrupted their sleep, physical altercations, or the mental stress of it all. Intimate partner violence, whether physical or mental is exhausting. It causes unimaginable anxiety and stress. There are times a victim will call out sick because the abuser is at work and they can finally rest.

7. They never have their camera on during video meetings.
Yes, we are all suffering from Zoom fatigue but there are those who can’t and won’t use their cameras because of the abuse they are experiencing. It could be the abuser told them not to, the abuser is standing over them, or they have bruises they can’t hide.

Ways your organization can address domestic violence

1. Acknowledge that domestic violence isn’t just a personal problem and it does affect your employees.

2. Remove judgment of the person experiencing the abuse.

3. Educate you and your staff on what constitutes domestic violence

4. Take a top-down approach to address domestic violence. If leadership takes it seriously, most employees will.

5. Connect with your local domestic violence organization or a professional in the field to address an emergency incident of domestic violence in the workplace or to train your staff.

6. Develop a domestic violence policy and program for your organization. Having this in place not only protects victims but also employees and the organization’s revenue.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of how domestic violence shows up in the workplace but it’s a good start of things to know and consider and how your organization can better support victims of domestic violence. While many of us are still working from home, some of these suggestions can be applied to those who are. It’s important for all employees to take care of each other. When we take the opportunity to truly and authentically get to know our employees, we have a chance to ensure everyone is safe.